Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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