Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Randomize
