Will you blow on my dice?
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
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