if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
