well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
