its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
