WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
