Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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