It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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