Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Randomize
