I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
