Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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