ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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