He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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