Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
