chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
The beer is more important than you right now.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Never underestimate the power of titties
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
