After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
this will be a night to untag.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
