Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
