I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
