Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
