How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Walk of Shame today included voting.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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