oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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