Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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