drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
