i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
