Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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