She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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