is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
