So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
