I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
