it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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