I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
