New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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