i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
