Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I wish I only lived at night.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
