I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
