i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
