cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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