I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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