i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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