I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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