you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i think i have herpe
just one?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
