You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
