I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
There's always time for handjobs
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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