Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
