sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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