it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
