Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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