the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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