How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm just crazy horny about you
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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