whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Randomize
