If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
