I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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