Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Randomize
