dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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